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Swagata Dutta

3 years ago

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//??????? ??????? - ????????? ??? ???????? ?????// Laying on my bed wide awake, Struggling to sleep through it again. Asking questions to myself, Where did it went all wrong? Why did it happen to me? Why does it have to happen to anybody? I was just a kid. What was my fault? All those unwanted and inappropriate touches still haunt me, All those words trying to manipulate me to get physically involved still haunts me. It tore me apart, My behavior got changed severely. I became quiet and even my family thought I have become an arrogant, obnoxious person. Little did they know, From an extroverted person, I became introverted. I hated speaking publicly or even speaking to a group of 3-4 people I started blaming myself. I know i should have been more aware of my surroundings, I should have dressed up more appropriately, I should have been tutored at home only. At least, if I hadn't gone out It wouldn't have happened to myself Maybe, it was my fault that I didn't take enough care of myself. I knew it was wrong, I knew I never wanted that to happen with me or to anyone. Even in my worst dreams, But, it did. It's still hard to believe but it did. I wanted to tell my close friends about it, But I couldn't. I couldn't. I was scared. I tried to stay alive. I tried to rip myself open. I harmed myself physically, As I didn't want to feel it mentally Something, inside me, kept telling that I should keep going. My mind said bottle-up everything sweetheart, no one actually cares. Even if they do They won't stop gossiping about it, They will spread it like a juicy rumor. Days and nights were havoc. As, I grew up, I kept on thinking about those little incidents, All those things became clear. All those gut feelings were real. I still get numb. I still get panic attacks. I still have trouble sleeping. I still suffer silently. I still am in pain. I still don't know how to remove those imprints from my body and my soul. I'm still struggling to fight with my demons, I know it may be just another story Or another incident for you. I hope one day, everything will be fine. I hope, no one has to go through this trauma and pain. I hope one night I will sleep just fine, When goodnight really means a goodnight. -Tanya Shrivastava IG- @tanyaashrivastavaa || @talesandunicorns . . . #Creatorshala #life #Blogger #Creatorshalablogger #Creator #follow #Influencer #writer #Love #Instagram #positive #healing #like @creatorshala